“It’s ALIVE!!!!” exalts the mad scientist, delighted to see his horrifying conglomeration of flesh and organs rise off the lab table. This line has got to be the most iconic, most cited moment in the story of Frankenstein. (By the way: I just read that whole book, the original version, and never are those two words spoken in conjunction throughout the text. But some movie director clearly decided they belonged there, and it stuck.)
My point is, people have this intrinsic need to breathe life into inanimate objects that have no business being animate, and it rarely leads to any good.
Take the tale of Pinocchio, for instance.
If only the woodcarver had stuck to making tables or chairs or whatever he was supposed to do, instead of creating a creepy puppet, that poor soul never would have experienced the dilemma between being a real boy and a slab of timber. He never would have told so many lies and caused his creator such heartache and in the end, there would have been one less real boy contributing to overpopulation.
Another classic example is the story of the Gingerbread Man.
Now, personally, if I knew mixing together eggs and flour and sugar and ginger and baking it in the oven would result in the creation of a conscious, self-aware being with wishes and desires, such a hopeful life so soon destined to be painfully terminated through consumption, I would still my hand before pulling out that recipe book. It just doesn’t seem fair to bring a living cookie into the world, especially inside a commercial bakery, where I assume the story begins. Customers are there to eat, not to respect life.
That’s why every product of the True Healthy Me kitchen is thoughtfully and responsibly crafted to avoid cruelty, mortal danger, excessive lying, and all other negative results of the bestowal of life upon food items. All ingredients start out inanimate, and that’s how they end. That way, you can feel perfectly safe and free of guilt when you put one of these goodies in your mouth!
These holiday brownies are truly guilt free. Not only are they vegetative and inanimate, they’re also gluten free and made with wholesome ingredients and fresh fruit. The foundation is a layer of soft, dense gingerbread made with chickpeas (don’t worry, you can’t taste them), embellished with caramel apples, and covered with rich, chocolatey flourless brownie emblazoned with Weight Watchers caramel candies. Top that all off with more caramel apples, tart cranberries, and coconut that toasts in the oven, and you’ve got the ultimate unique and delicious holiday treat.
What’s more, this is one you can feel good about eating. Serve it up piping hot, maybe with frozen Greek caramel apple yogurt… or chilled, firm and fudgey. Either way, you can feel confident these gingerbread brownies won’t turn around and bite you.
Image credits (in order of appearance) (all brownie photos are my own):